Herbert Grafton

Herbert William Fucking Grafton was found on the doorstep of Number 10 Downing Street by then Prime-Minister Margaret Thatcher on the 14th of April 1980. Thatcher realised Grafton's political potential when he became head-teacher of his own primary school in 1987, he even started a war with a neighbouring secondary school which resulted in the deaths of almost 628 students. When Thatcher left office in 1990, custody of Grafton was handed over to John Major, who kept him locked in the basement of Number 10 in fear that he would act upon one of his insults and rip off Major's foreskin and use it as a pillowcase. To this day, Grafton has promised that if he ever sees Major again he will "maim that fucker to the brink of extinction by ramming every traffic cone in Britain up his ass open end first."

In June of 2009, Grafton landed himself in trouble when he savagely beat world famous BBC reporter Billy P. Journaliste, he then proceeded to destroy Journaliste's career by flooding his emails with animal porn and then continuing on to steal Journaliste's wife, Harriet. Journaliste was forced to retire and as a result Grafton replaced him with Ed Fuck, a childhood friend of his.

Grafton worked as Director of Everything in Number 10 from 2001 to 2010 when he moved to Brighton to see the sea.

Grafton went missing for several months in mid-2010 and many thought that he was fulfilling the prophecy of Bright, this was until he was discovered by Mayor Jeff under the West Pier staring at the sea and filing documents.

From October 2010 to October 2016, Grafton worked as Mayor Jeff's loyal adviser, partly because he thought he owed Jeff his life.

In October 2016, when Brighton seceded from the United Kingdom, Herbert Grafton became the most stressed man on Earth and to this day holds the record for 'Most amount of paperwork ever literally done on the Planet, like really, holy shit, if you looked at how much paperwork he has done your mind would literally get crushed'.