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"How the fuck did the Construction Men do this? They're shit builders!"
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"Shut the fuck up."
~ Frankie Mitchell
Frankie Mitchell is a Nebraskan fisherman currently spending his life trying to track down his father so he can return the small broken model of the 'USS Enterprise' in the hopes that it will take a small weight off his already only 25% functional heart, which probably took a further blow after his and Fred's run-in with a bunch of "clowns" in their local park.

When Frankie was just 2 years old his father left him.

This difficult experience left the young fish enthusiast with a life-long desire to find a true father figure, with the closest he has ever come to achieving this being the time he met Tim Russ outside a KFC in Hull. Unfortunately for the 12-year old Frankie, Tim was only interested in performing something he called a "mind meld" on him, which left his ass numb for weeks after.

It was only a short time later that the now-emotionless teenager met someone with bad luck and number of neglective relatives almost equal to his own, Fred Seyd. The friendship got off to a rocky start however as Frankie destroyed Fred's most prized possession at the time, his beloved Minecraft server by bombing the company responsible for hosting the server, with the resulting carnage resulting in the death of three workers and a very stern telling-off from Fred.

Swastika (6)

One of Frankie's subtle and nuanced practical jokes, the kind of which frequently drove Fred to attempt to kill Frankie.

Despite their initial differences, the two quickly became inseparable, with Frankie eventually moving to the same school as Fred and the two teaming up to cause chaos, causing at least three teachers to quit in the 2 years they spent in school together.

It was however in their final year that they pulled off their finest work yet, winning the school election. The campaign was fraught with violence, with at least one prostitute being killed during a particularly serious incident outside the school library, nowadays known as "The Reading Rumpus".

In the end the two young men and their heroic bunch won the election with only a very small number of casualties all-round, with most of the dead being Year 7s whom were trampled after declaring their support for the Labour candidate, Thomas Thorne-in-my-ass, who supported giving rights to Year 7s, a policy that Frankie and Fred stalwartly disagreed with.

Fag busters

A poster promoting the movie adaptation of the great battle.

Captains log

In one of their last great victories as students of Varndean School of Chavcraft and Druggery, the two recruited fellow student Baniel Dright to assist their attack against the suspected true planners behind the Columbine attacks, Ben Nickson and Liam Burtenshaw, a couple of thoroughly rapey individuals, along with their sex slave Saskia. It was said at the time that the orgies the three would partake in lasted hours. Despite the fear that they apprehended in most people, Frankie, Fred and Baniel managed to defeat them on the glorious field of a Facebook comments section in a war that lasted many long hours and resulted in the death of yet another prostitute, although luckily this was later found to simply be Saskia, who was killed in the crossfire.

These days, Frankie and Fred do relatively the same thing as they have done for years now, trigger people to hell, which is probably the only thing the two have ever really done, and ever will.


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