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"How the fuck did the Construction Men do this? They're shit builders!"
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"Can we get Chinese food later?"
~ Fred Seyd

Fred Seyd is an aging baker from Yorkshire who is currently facing an extremely violent, and in the opinion of many, depressing divorce. It is unknown what precisely drove him and his soon to be ex-partner apart, but it is thought they split because Fred completely forgot about her while pursuing his lifelong dream of becoming the first man to ever bake a cake suitable for Frankie Mitchell, his highly critical and violent acquaintance.

When Fred was just 4 he was exposed to all of the knowledge of the universe due to a City College science experiment going catastrophically wrong, however he only managed to memorize the London underground map and as a result he goes on holiday to Victoria Station every third Sunday of the month.

Fred Seyd currently holds the Guinness World Record for 'longest time spent in a bath without literally shriveling up and dying' along with the record for 'farthest unaided flight' which he achieved by flying 62 nautical miles after he was struck by a car on the infamously deadly Davey Drive.

It is unbeknownst to most people that Fred was born on the planet Vulcan but brought to Earth after his father, Spok, realized it is illogical to even attempt crafting Fred into a sensible individual. When he first arrived on Earth, however, he was met by extreme spacism and subsequently was forced to play violin genuinely all the fucking time. It is because of this if Fred hears the word 'violin' he will enter a deep psychotic rage and begin destroying everything around him in an attempt to escape his inner dark seyd.


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